Hello, my name is Meep. I'm a guest writer for G.O. who plans on bringing this website even further into the crapper with political commentary and ramblings. Dan told me, "Meep, if we're gonna suck, lets REALLY suck." I'm here to suck any semblance of class out of this website not with dick jokes or music reviews. NAY! I'm here to talk about politics. Not only am I here to talk about politics, I'm here to talk about the shit that no one really wants to read about. You know, the things you might miss on you're way to Bangthumbs.com or Foxnews.com.

I'm not sure which is worse. At least bangthumbs.com serves a purpose to the masturbatorally inclined among us. All Foxnews.com does is give us "fair and balanced" blowhards like Bill O'Reilly. I'm not sure if masturbatorally is a word, but I'm gonna go with it. 

Anyway, politics. I'll write articles, probably about as often as Dan, about the dumb things that politicians, aspiring politicians, or assholes who talk about politics do that deserve a little extra attention…. Gorman Online style. 

Moving right along. I wanted to call this article "why the fuck is everyone so stupid?" but Dan thought it might not be appropriate for all the devoted Gorman Online addicts who scour this website on a minute by minute basis searching for Dan's next update. Dan thought people might insinuate I was calling everyone reading the title stupid. Worse yet, fucking stupid. So, we compromised. I've decided to call this article "Armstrong Williams is fucking stupid and you people are equally stupid for not thinking he is fucking stupid." Much better. 

Who, you ask, is Armstrong Williams? That, my friends, is exactly why I'm writing about this asshole. People don't seem to know or care that this dude was paid by the Bush administration to pimp his educational agenda to African American voters. I don't mean pimp in the coolest sense of the word. When I think pimp I think about all the motherfucking P.I.M.Ps out there working overtime not letting bitches get a dollar out of them and macking shorty in da club. 

No, not that pimp. Armstrong Williams is a nasty, disease ridden, crack smoking whore, blowing anything that moves for enough scratch to get a hit. Metaphorically speaking of course. 

You might also be asking yourself, "Why is it a big deal that George Bush paid a dude to push his educational agenda"? I won't bore you with all the details. Here is the Gorman Online recap. Armstrong Williams is a self professed "pugnacious, provocative and principled voice for conservatives and Christian values in America's public debates." Translated, that means he loves Republicans, and their agenda, so much he lies on his back, spreads his legs, and allows them to perform their dirty man deeds with such vigor as to cause hemorrhaging. Metaphorically speaking. William's website is pompously titled "The Right Side with Armstrong Williams". That's the lamest shit I've ever heard. That's almost as lame Carl Lewis singing about God knows what in a hot tub with nasty assed women in a vain attempt to prove he is not what we all think he is simply due to the fact that he is actually in the same room as women. Wait, Carl Lewis is awesome. What the fuck am I talking about. 

Anyway, Armstrong Williams is a best selling author who writes columns, articles, and appears on CNN and CNBC. When a newspaper, radio, or TV station wants to pit two sides of an issue against each other in some sort of debate format, they invite people like Williams on their show. That's what this dude does. He also syndicates a show of his own creation called, surprisingly enough, "The Right Side with Armstrong Williams" which is carried by a few independent cable providers. The exposure he has garnered for himself as a conservative pundit has made him a player, albeit a small one, in the African American political community. The bottom line is that some people take the shit this man spews seriously. He is a shill for the Republican Party and you know what? That's fine with me. I could care less what the dude does for a living. I don't read his shit because I think he's a dick. As an American he has a right to be a mercenary for the Republican Party and I would defend his ability to do so to the death. Thankfully, as an American, I can think he's a fucking asshole and run screaming with my hands over my ears every time I see him spewing his nonsense on TV. Simple as that. 

Here is what should be pissing you off. 

The Bush administration paid him $240,000 to plug its education policies to minority audiences (specially the No Child Left behind Act ) on his syndicated show and in his newspaper columns. CNN has a good break down of the issue at hand: 
"The Bush administration paid a prominent commentator [Armstrong Williams] to promote the No Child Left Behind schools law to fellow blacks and to give the education secretary media time, records show.
A company run by Armstrong Williams, the syndicated commentator, was paid $240,000 by the Education Department. The goal was to deliver positive messages about Bush's education overhaul, using Williams' broad reach with minorities...
The contract required Williams' company, the Graham Williams Group, to produce radio and TV ads that feature one-minute "reads" by Education Secretary Rod Paige. The deal also allowed Paige and other department officials to appear as studio guests with Williams."
Williams claims that he has supported legislation of this nature in the past on TV appearances and in his newspaper articles and that's probably true. The question now is, who cares? The dude was paid, using tax payer dollars, by the Bush Administration to promote their policies. What makes it egregious is the fact he promoted those policies while pretending to be an unbiased journalist. You and I paid for Armstrong Williams to promote Bush's agenda all the while he pretended like he was an unbiased commenter in newspaper articles and TV appearances. Federal laws prohibit the use of tax payer money to produce propaganda. I would say this qualifies.

I'm not a screaming, flaming liberal. I'm really not. I'm actually pretty moderate about a lot of things. But it's shit like this that makes my blood boil. The bitch of it is, I'm not naive enough to believe this is the ONLY time it's happened and the only time George Bush has paid people to publicly support his shit. I'm sure it happens all the time, on both sides. I'm willing to bet that there are people just like Williams pimping for the Democrats. I guess the bottom line is who the fuck can you trust? 

Congratulations Armstrong Williams! You have the privilege of receiving Gorman Online's first political ASSHOLE award. 

Feel free to email me with your comments and hate. I love to read it. Oh, and by the way… Armstrong Williams is fucking stupid and you people are equally stupid for not thinking he is fucking stupid.

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